Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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