ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
