Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
