Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Randomize
