Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My ass is underappreciated
i need some magic done to my vagina
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
