Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
