i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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