i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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