dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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