you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
