the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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