I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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