sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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