Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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