this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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