I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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