Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Me too!
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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