If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
