I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
