Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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