i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
