I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
