Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
