Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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