Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
