Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
