fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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