I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
