she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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