Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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