Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
