I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
