My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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