I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
