absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
