Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
