Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
