what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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