Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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