If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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