I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
