dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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