I think my vagina is haunted
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
