our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
