Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
