I heard we made out
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
