i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Is it because I queefed?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
