we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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