Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
