just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
