no, he came in my armpit
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
